Niobe all tears

mystic2
Originally uploaded by ladyinchains.

regrets?
i had a few
but then again too few to mention
sings pavarotti today again.:(
me?
no i'm not in love with this unlovely bloody hell called earth. :(
God?
we're in tiff
me?
sad, so sad
God?
he is punishing me
me?
no i can't take it
God?
he believes i can
me?
i feel like Odd One's Out(O O O)
God?
he doesnt care :(

well yes. me, i am getting punished. me, i am not loved. me? i've lost even God.
God? kenare god neshaste mige lengesh kon.

akhhh. i know i was sinful yesterday. i know i seeked for punishment. i know i couldnt forget. i know i couldnt sleep last night. i know that i can't eat today. i just know how it is to be punished. i dont object against being punished... but i just am saying... no i can't take it.

dammit! mommy just got in the room to call for lunch. as ever she didnt knock. how embarrassing it is when someone see your face wet of tears. i answered i'm not coming for lunch and i'm just adding to my sins. and i must just wait for more and more punishments to come to me and crush me and i cry no i can't take it. and and and ....................

"so what is a man?
what has he got?
if not hims
.
.
.
.
.
dammiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt. oh my God!!! how dare they? just daddy came into my room calling me for lunch. and not even he knocks on my damn door! and God knows why parents have the right to get into children rooms with no coughs or knockings. it was bearable to know mommy saw me with tears. but daddy!!! oh no, not him!!! and God damn me! i told him harshly. NO PLS, i'm stuffed!!!! how dare i? how dare i tell them lies or sadden them with my tears? i just donno what kindda devil i am! i deserve all my punishments. but i still say i can't take them!

you know what? just the day before yesterday i was counting my friends to feel good about it. i thought, thank God i've got precious friends. but now, just now, i know... no lady, you're absolutely wrong.
just the day befor yesterday it was that i claimed i'm in love with this lovely bloody hell called earth. and just today i wonder how could i?

you know? i think you'd better just stop reading the craps i'm writing here!
i just think you mustent shake hands with lucifer. and I'M the lucifer
and i just think all my dreams are crucified
because i thought maybe i wanna be outta my damn mind and i was, yesterday i was...
and now for a life time i won't forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!

"run, hide, all that was sacred to us, sacred to us, see the signs
the convenant has been broken by man kind, leaving us with no shelter, with no shoulder, to rest our heads on
who's got my back now? when all we left is deceptive, so disconnected, so what is the truth now?"

hum? who's got my back now? when God is in tiff with me? when friends look so deceptive, so senseless, so heartless, so much of a liar! when i look at their face, i seek peace and i find astonishment! when i look for kindness and i see harshness. when all i want is ..............and all they share is ..............
maybe i'm worthless. i wish daddy could understand why i dont eat or why i cry. i wish he could know that i'm all love but... . i wish he could see deeper inside me. but they don't ask, or they ask and they don't listen. i wish he could see my love is just wondering somewhere in my round atmosphere and like me has got no shelter to lean on. i wish he could understand that for all these reason i don't wanna be, that i'm not eating, i'm objecting, i'm mourning, ..........
that i wanna be alone, that i feel like O O O, or i just can't solve it. they find it too dangerous too listen to me. and i just donno how i get to....................
and friends.... . why today they were so ugly? so senceless? is it a partta punishment?

No. I swear not.i swear I've never looked for people or friend's kindness. I swear I've never expected nothing, I swear I swear. But when God is in tiff with me, who else do I have to lean on?!?!?!?!
How do I know he is in tiff? Because I just can't simply feel him around. And I simply see all my dreams crucified.