tonight i went to k-pub again to buy some architectural books i needed. and if you wanna find a meaning for bookworm, it's just me!
on the way to k-pub,OH you have no idea, day after day it's becoming harder to pass through streets. boys are really getting aliens! i just can't understand why they're so savage. i always think God bless animals when i see the boys wondering in streets with their disgusting lusty dirty looks. well, i'm not the riligious type, but i always care about the cloth i wear. and except my hair that they'been the same since i was 10, i always wear long cloth, mostly dark, and very ordinary black pants. and all in all i'm the ordinary type. i mean i never show off with my cloth. but the boys have no sympathy. they look, the dirtiest looks, and they might even open they're mouth too say something. the point is i donno why i never hear what they say. i'm lucky i guess! it's even hard to wait for the taxies, for there stand any type of car in frontta you honking! and if you suggest i must just challenge them with words, i must inform you that i'm the timid type. it's even becoming my nightmare that i might get so angry to punch them in their faces and then they'll chase me all the way home and in some good sitiuation they'll kidnapp me!!!!
i think i must start driving for the God's sake!!!
that's how things go on in Iran. or i'd better say in holy Mashhad. streets are blowing of high population. wonderers are everywhere. parks, streets, passages. the funny thing is the parks of course. when ever i go there for running everyone consider my running as some fasion show!!!!!!! for this reason i've given up running in the parks. God knows nothing could make me happy like running could.
20 October, 2005
17 October, 2005
lonely lady Mona
oh i'm in a shallow sleepy mood. i hear mommy and sis whispering not to wake me up. oh it seems to be later than 3. i missed the class !!!!!!!! why no one ever wakes me up?
they're still whispering and suddenly door opens and i open my eyes like a child who's about to start nagging and crying, complaining for waking her up . " darling" she said :
-father and i arent going to be back till late, maryam's going on shopping with Z .are u to go anywhere or u stay alone ? "
how she looks beautiful. Angie mommy. they're going somewhere good :( .all with out me.)
-am i to be alone ? no i'll go somewhere if possible
she likes to complain. but she knows me, so she just kindly reminds me of my keys and take cares and goodbye. i'm again in that shallow sleepy mood thinking of possible places to go. how i wish to go horseback riding or to airport or somewhere except the city. but how ? i'm all alone .i jump outta bed. the first to call is Sh ,they're busy with guests. S 's not home. M's not home either .the other M? no i don't call her .... and i wont call one more single person ... .is it possible if i get out on somewhere all alone? what to do ?!?!?! ... .now i'm in frontta mirror .how pale i look .i have no where to go? what can i do at home all alone? Aint it what u used to wish? being left all alone at home? but this has happened so much lately. i'm truly fed up. books ???? YUK .what's going to fill my midnight then. i've slept in the afternoon and a sleepless midnight is waiting for me there to hold me .
i look pale. the computer was left on all while i was asleep .i turn the speakers on .ALL I WANT FOR CHRISMASS IS YOU .
oh .it's car engine sound .they're leaving and i'm not really going to say goodbye. cruel family. i'm finally doomed to stay at home .GOOD BYE TO YOU i tell them deep from the heart. nice time .no body hear me from here. let them think i'm angry and in tiff .
THERE'S A HERO, now Mariah carey sings. but here's no hero! and THERE'S AN ANSWER ,she goes on. But i can't see any answer! lady fool!
apple pie !!! oh we've got apple pie with some juice. it's gonna bring joy to my lonesome evening .i'm the lady of the house. let's see what we can do to make our Mona happy ..................
first I must shift to another music. Something not lying! THERE"S A HERO!!!! Sure!!!!!!!!
"blind love is true
If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I've cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong, this ain't a love song
If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong - this ain't a love song"
Let's dedicate this lovesong to our lonely lady Mona
they're still whispering and suddenly door opens and i open my eyes like a child who's about to start nagging and crying, complaining for waking her up . " darling" she said :
-father and i arent going to be back till late, maryam's going on shopping with Z .are u to go anywhere or u stay alone ? "
how she looks beautiful. Angie mommy. they're going somewhere good :( .all with out me.)
-am i to be alone ? no i'll go somewhere if possible
she likes to complain. but she knows me, so she just kindly reminds me of my keys and take cares and goodbye. i'm again in that shallow sleepy mood thinking of possible places to go. how i wish to go horseback riding or to airport or somewhere except the city. but how ? i'm all alone .i jump outta bed. the first to call is Sh ,they're busy with guests. S 's not home. M's not home either .the other M? no i don't call her .... and i wont call one more single person ... .is it possible if i get out on somewhere all alone? what to do ?!?!?! ... .now i'm in frontta mirror .how pale i look .i have no where to go? what can i do at home all alone? Aint it what u used to wish? being left all alone at home? but this has happened so much lately. i'm truly fed up. books ???? YUK .what's going to fill my midnight then. i've slept in the afternoon and a sleepless midnight is waiting for me there to hold me .
i look pale. the computer was left on all while i was asleep .i turn the speakers on .ALL I WANT FOR CHRISMASS IS YOU .
oh .it's car engine sound .they're leaving and i'm not really going to say goodbye. cruel family. i'm finally doomed to stay at home .GOOD BYE TO YOU i tell them deep from the heart. nice time .no body hear me from here. let them think i'm angry and in tiff .
THERE'S A HERO, now Mariah carey sings. but here's no hero! and THERE'S AN ANSWER ,she goes on. But i can't see any answer! lady fool!
apple pie !!! oh we've got apple pie with some juice. it's gonna bring joy to my lonesome evening .i'm the lady of the house. let's see what we can do to make our Mona happy ..................
first I must shift to another music. Something not lying! THERE"S A HERO!!!! Sure!!!!!!!!
"blind love is true
If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I've cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong, this ain't a love song
If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong - this ain't a love song"
Let's dedicate this lovesong to our lonely lady Mona
cricada story
oh me the murderer.
the friday befor last we went camping, and there i found a cricket (cricada) and i brought it home to have his chirp melody during the day. so i imprisoned him in a match box and i brough it home and left it somewhere to take care of later. soon it was lost in the home and we could just hear him chirring from the utility room. finding a cricada in utility room?!?!?! oh god. of course i didnt know his chirt would sicken everyone. i thought they'll like it either. but well, just as soon as i knew it's a bugger to everyone it became a bugger to myself too! and then the exlorations started to find the poor cricada. and imagine the cricada seeing my mommy with insecticide spray in her hand.he would faint!!!
so i tried hard to find him myself and instead i hear mommy reporting daddy the other day that she's spread the spray all over the untility room andnow the chirts have stopped.
OH GOD> it means he was killed??!?!?!
so i spared some tears believing he was really dead and i was the killer. but just again the other day we heard him chiriing very weakly. i happened to be so happy and also so sad for this. and getting rid of consiouse pains i lived a week so happy not even rememberring him or caring if he chirrs healthy.
just today i remembered he hasent chirred for a long time. and as matter of fact again just today i heard mommy telling daddy happily about finding the cricada's dead body in a POT!!!!!!!!! :(((((
oh my God!!!! i am a murderer.... i'm a deviiiiiiiiiiiil. i caused his death. all i wanted was just good.
me that i couldnt even hurt an ant has killed a cricada!
apologize me God. apologize meee! :((
the friday befor last we went camping, and there i found a cricket (cricada) and i brought it home to have his chirp melody during the day. so i imprisoned him in a match box and i brough it home and left it somewhere to take care of later. soon it was lost in the home and we could just hear him chirring from the utility room. finding a cricada in utility room?!?!?! oh god. of course i didnt know his chirt would sicken everyone. i thought they'll like it either. but well, just as soon as i knew it's a bugger to everyone it became a bugger to myself too! and then the exlorations started to find the poor cricada. and imagine the cricada seeing my mommy with insecticide spray in her hand.he would faint!!!
so i tried hard to find him myself and instead i hear mommy reporting daddy the other day that she's spread the spray all over the untility room andnow the chirts have stopped.
OH GOD> it means he was killed??!?!?!
so i spared some tears believing he was really dead and i was the killer. but just again the other day we heard him chiriing very weakly. i happened to be so happy and also so sad for this. and getting rid of consiouse pains i lived a week so happy not even rememberring him or caring if he chirrs healthy.
just today i remembered he hasent chirred for a long time. and as matter of fact again just today i heard mommy telling daddy happily about finding the cricada's dead body in a POT!!!!!!!!! :(((((
oh my God!!!! i am a murderer.... i'm a deviiiiiiiiiiiil. i caused his death. all i wanted was just good.
me that i couldnt even hurt an ant has killed a cricada!
apologize me God. apologize meee! :((
like when a mermaid had a cutten leg
oh my God, i'm shivering all through. and if any of you know me, you mighht also know how blood freaks me out. aaaaaay... today daddy cut his hand doing some mechanical things. uuuuuh... he cut his palm so deep that it was really painfull to him. i know it was painful coz it shows on his face when ever he's aching from something. and me? oh if you already donno, blood is just the scariest thing to me in the world. and imaggine me alone with daddy. i sat him somewhere and while shaking i was looking for some first aid stuff and i found the bandage and stuff and heeeeeeeeeeen. i should've done the bondage!!!! when daddy saw me about to cry and all shiver he was not to let me do it, but i finally managed to control my temper and like a brave girl who's seen blood all her life time i started. and ummm.... i did. i donno a good job or not. but i did it.
i just remembered of how penny doing it when a mermaid had a cutten leg.
i just remembered of how penny doing it when a mermaid had a cutten leg.
13 October, 2005
Niobe all tears
regrets?
i had a few
but then again too few to mention
sings pavarotti today again.:(
me?
no i'm not in love with this unlovely bloody hell called earth. :(
God?
we're in tiff
me?
sad, so sad
God?
he is punishing me
me?
no i can't take it
God?
he believes i can
me?
i feel like Odd One's Out(O O O)
God?
he doesnt care :(
well yes. me, i am getting punished. me, i am not loved. me? i've lost even God.
God? kenare god neshaste mige lengesh kon.
akhhh. i know i was sinful yesterday. i know i seeked for punishment. i know i couldnt forget. i know i couldnt sleep last night. i know that i can't eat today. i just know how it is to be punished. i dont object against being punished... but i just am saying... no i can't take it.
dammit! mommy just got in the room to call for lunch. as ever she didnt knock. how embarrassing it is when someone see your face wet of tears. i answered i'm not coming for lunch and i'm just adding to my sins. and i must just wait for more and more punishments to come to me and crush me and i cry no i can't take it. and and and ....................
"so what is a man?
what has he got?
if not hims
.
.
.
.
.
dammiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt. oh my God!!! how dare they? just daddy came into my room calling me for lunch. and not even he knocks on my damn door! and God knows why parents have the right to get into children rooms with no coughs or knockings. it was bearable to know mommy saw me with tears. but daddy!!! oh no, not him!!! and God damn me! i told him harshly. NO PLS, i'm stuffed!!!! how dare i? how dare i tell them lies or sadden them with my tears? i just donno what kindda devil i am! i deserve all my punishments. but i still say i can't take them!
you know what? just the day before yesterday i was counting my friends to feel good about it. i thought, thank God i've got precious friends. but now, just now, i know... no lady, you're absolutely wrong.
just the day befor yesterday it was that i claimed i'm in love with this lovely bloody hell called earth. and just today i wonder how could i?
you know? i think you'd better just stop reading the craps i'm writing here!
i just think you mustent shake hands with lucifer. and I'M the lucifer
and i just think all my dreams are crucified
because i thought maybe i wanna be outta my damn mind and i was, yesterday i was...
and now for a life time i won't forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!
"run, hide, all that was sacred to us, sacred to us, see the signs
the convenant has been broken by man kind, leaving us with no shelter, with no shoulder, to rest our heads on
who's got my back now? when all we left is deceptive, so disconnected, so what is the truth now?"
hum? who's got my back now? when God is in tiff with me? when friends look so deceptive, so senseless, so heartless, so much of a liar! when i look at their face, i seek peace and i find astonishment! when i look for kindness and i see harshness. when all i want is ..............and all they share is ..............
maybe i'm worthless. i wish daddy could understand why i dont eat or why i cry. i wish he could know that i'm all love but... . i wish he could see deeper inside me. but they don't ask, or they ask and they don't listen. i wish he could see my love is just wondering somewhere in my round atmosphere and like me has got no shelter to lean on. i wish he could understand that for all these reason i don't wanna be, that i'm not eating, i'm objecting, i'm mourning, ..........
that i wanna be alone, that i feel like O O O, or i just can't solve it. they find it too dangerous too listen to me. and i just donno how i get to....................
and friends.... . why today they were so ugly? so senceless? is it a partta punishment?
No. I swear not.i swear I've never looked for people or friend's kindness. I swear I've never expected nothing, I swear I swear. But when God is in tiff with me, who else do I have to lean on?!?!?!?!
How do I know he is in tiff? Because I just can't simply feel him around. And I simply see all my dreams crucified.
i had a few
but then again too few to mention
sings pavarotti today again.:(
me?
no i'm not in love with this unlovely bloody hell called earth. :(
God?
we're in tiff
me?
sad, so sad
God?
he is punishing me
me?
no i can't take it
God?
he believes i can
me?
i feel like Odd One's Out(O O O)
God?
he doesnt care :(
well yes. me, i am getting punished. me, i am not loved. me? i've lost even God.
God? kenare god neshaste mige lengesh kon.
akhhh. i know i was sinful yesterday. i know i seeked for punishment. i know i couldnt forget. i know i couldnt sleep last night. i know that i can't eat today. i just know how it is to be punished. i dont object against being punished... but i just am saying... no i can't take it.
dammit! mommy just got in the room to call for lunch. as ever she didnt knock. how embarrassing it is when someone see your face wet of tears. i answered i'm not coming for lunch and i'm just adding to my sins. and i must just wait for more and more punishments to come to me and crush me and i cry no i can't take it. and and and ....................
"so what is a man?
what has he got?
if not hims
.
.
.
.
.
dammiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt. oh my God!!! how dare they? just daddy came into my room calling me for lunch. and not even he knocks on my damn door! and God knows why parents have the right to get into children rooms with no coughs or knockings. it was bearable to know mommy saw me with tears. but daddy!!! oh no, not him!!! and God damn me! i told him harshly. NO PLS, i'm stuffed!!!! how dare i? how dare i tell them lies or sadden them with my tears? i just donno what kindda devil i am! i deserve all my punishments. but i still say i can't take them!
you know what? just the day before yesterday i was counting my friends to feel good about it. i thought, thank God i've got precious friends. but now, just now, i know... no lady, you're absolutely wrong.
just the day befor yesterday it was that i claimed i'm in love with this lovely bloody hell called earth. and just today i wonder how could i?
you know? i think you'd better just stop reading the craps i'm writing here!
i just think you mustent shake hands with lucifer. and I'M the lucifer
and i just think all my dreams are crucified
because i thought maybe i wanna be outta my damn mind and i was, yesterday i was...
and now for a life time i won't forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!
"run, hide, all that was sacred to us, sacred to us, see the signs
the convenant has been broken by man kind, leaving us with no shelter, with no shoulder, to rest our heads on
who's got my back now? when all we left is deceptive, so disconnected, so what is the truth now?"
hum? who's got my back now? when God is in tiff with me? when friends look so deceptive, so senseless, so heartless, so much of a liar! when i look at their face, i seek peace and i find astonishment! when i look for kindness and i see harshness. when all i want is ..............and all they share is ..............
maybe i'm worthless. i wish daddy could understand why i dont eat or why i cry. i wish he could know that i'm all love but... . i wish he could see deeper inside me. but they don't ask, or they ask and they don't listen. i wish he could see my love is just wondering somewhere in my round atmosphere and like me has got no shelter to lean on. i wish he could understand that for all these reason i don't wanna be, that i'm not eating, i'm objecting, i'm mourning, ..........
that i wanna be alone, that i feel like O O O, or i just can't solve it. they find it too dangerous too listen to me. and i just donno how i get to....................
and friends.... . why today they were so ugly? so senceless? is it a partta punishment?
No. I swear not.i swear I've never looked for people or friend's kindness. I swear I've never expected nothing, I swear I swear. But when God is in tiff with me, who else do I have to lean on?!?!?!?!
How do I know he is in tiff? Because I just can't simply feel him around. And I simply see all my dreams crucified.
12 October, 2005
11 October, 2005
paradise lost
once upon a time, there was narrow rivulet in a small village. it was cold in the mid of the winter. paradise was lost when there was no snowy blosoms on tree branches and no greenleaves either.
i guess i was lucky to find this paradise lost somewhere in that narrow rivulet.
i guess i was lucky to find this paradise lost somewhere in that narrow rivulet.
today was a bit strange. something v.s yesterday. i didnt eat at all today .and not any more i was realy so much in love with this lovely bloddy hell named universe. and .................
well, i woke up happily and lively, desgning that paradise house accopanied with vangeliz music.( it could give me the right feeling to design my aquarium house in that cold area!!!(of course aquarium doesnt mean my house is a glassy one, the house was designed mainly inside a hill, but becoz of some factors i decided to name it aquarium house). then i went to university, back home and....
well... when i was back home at noon i was a kindda... i donno. but i'm ready to go to hell for what i was today. i don't think i can ever forgive myself for the devil i was. and... huh. i was an electrical Devil. you know? my hand was making spike of electriciy with everything i was touching. shaking hands, opening doors, .... . and i thought it must be a sign to show pple whith what a devil they're shaking hands! and i remembered of this song that i used to listen around 9 years ago!
"dont shake hands,
oh baby don't shake hands with lucifer,
take your chance,
cause baby all dreams will be crucified"
back when i was eleven i was the baby one. now after 9 years i feel like that i'm the devil who ....
:( . why was i like this today?!?!?! why?!!! i'm ready to give away a year of my life just to ommit my today from my history :(
well. in the afternoon i had to go to the university again and i went there with an extremely depressed face. all the time i was thinking, even if i pass a life time being a mobe, God wont apologize me for my today! and so ODD, there were still spikes of electricity when ever i was touching something!
but well, university was a big fun today. after 7 hours in university i have almost forgtten about my sins and i could laugh, not really from the bottom of my heart, but i could laugh...
now i'm home again, and again i feel depressed.
there are 3 books i wanna buy to read. but 1st: i barely find the time
2nd: i'm not sure if i can find the books
3rd: i must save my money to buy a very dear freind a very dear gift. her name is Mona just like me. we've been freind since we were 8 and we are too much alike. we've been in tiff since janury and i waited so long for her birthday. i couldnt find any better excuse to go to her, make her happy and surprised. i really waited!!!! and i have no idea how i could be so patient!
goddammit. i'm listening to this cinema paradiso soundtrack and everytime it feels awfully ---- i donno.
it's really aches to write today. everything reminds me of my devilish aspect of personality. :(((((((((((((((((((((
today one of the professors said: "in bachehan ke ashegh mishan" "it's the children who fall in love". maybe he meant how purified and rarified their souls are.
another professor talked about how love could affect our designings. how our designs are the indicators of our inner feelings. and how we could find the architecture in everything around or some architectural melodis, and he played one of yanni symphonies with his mouth mainly reapting "did did did dir id................................."
well...
i must really leave. i need some prayers to feel better. but i'm sure God is in tiff with me. i'm sure he'll accept no excuses. maybe i should wait untill his birthday either!!! but does any one know when his birthday is?!?!?!?! well... .Budha says we must find him in us. maybe his birthday is right when i was born!! but it's a long long way to MY birthday. i'll die till then! i must find a way to apologize him! but what? what kindda big good things i could do to make him forget???? to make ME forget????
room condition: messy, one lamp on, no view to my persimon tree
music: cinema paradiso soundtracks
sky: the cutains covers my window so that i can't see the sky :( i dont deserve anything good today. i must be punished
Goodnight
well, i woke up happily and lively, desgning that paradise house accopanied with vangeliz music.( it could give me the right feeling to design my aquarium house in that cold area!!!(of course aquarium doesnt mean my house is a glassy one, the house was designed mainly inside a hill, but becoz of some factors i decided to name it aquarium house). then i went to university, back home and....
well... when i was back home at noon i was a kindda... i donno. but i'm ready to go to hell for what i was today. i don't think i can ever forgive myself for the devil i was. and... huh. i was an electrical Devil. you know? my hand was making spike of electriciy with everything i was touching. shaking hands, opening doors, .... . and i thought it must be a sign to show pple whith what a devil they're shaking hands! and i remembered of this song that i used to listen around 9 years ago!
"dont shake hands,
oh baby don't shake hands with lucifer,
take your chance,
cause baby all dreams will be crucified"
back when i was eleven i was the baby one. now after 9 years i feel like that i'm the devil who ....
:( . why was i like this today?!?!?! why?!!! i'm ready to give away a year of my life just to ommit my today from my history :(
well. in the afternoon i had to go to the university again and i went there with an extremely depressed face. all the time i was thinking, even if i pass a life time being a mobe, God wont apologize me for my today! and so ODD, there were still spikes of electricity when ever i was touching something!
but well, university was a big fun today. after 7 hours in university i have almost forgtten about my sins and i could laugh, not really from the bottom of my heart, but i could laugh...
now i'm home again, and again i feel depressed.
there are 3 books i wanna buy to read. but 1st: i barely find the time
2nd: i'm not sure if i can find the books
3rd: i must save my money to buy a very dear freind a very dear gift. her name is Mona just like me. we've been freind since we were 8 and we are too much alike. we've been in tiff since janury and i waited so long for her birthday. i couldnt find any better excuse to go to her, make her happy and surprised. i really waited!!!! and i have no idea how i could be so patient!
goddammit. i'm listening to this cinema paradiso soundtrack and everytime it feels awfully ---- i donno.
it's really aches to write today. everything reminds me of my devilish aspect of personality. :(((((((((((((((((((((
today one of the professors said: "in bachehan ke ashegh mishan" "it's the children who fall in love". maybe he meant how purified and rarified their souls are.
another professor talked about how love could affect our designings. how our designs are the indicators of our inner feelings. and how we could find the architecture in everything around or some architectural melodis, and he played one of yanni symphonies with his mouth mainly reapting "did did did dir id................................."
well...
i must really leave. i need some prayers to feel better. but i'm sure God is in tiff with me. i'm sure he'll accept no excuses. maybe i should wait untill his birthday either!!! but does any one know when his birthday is?!?!?!?! well... .Budha says we must find him in us. maybe his birthday is right when i was born!! but it's a long long way to MY birthday. i'll die till then! i must find a way to apologize him! but what? what kindda big good things i could do to make him forget???? to make ME forget????
room condition: messy, one lamp on, no view to my persimon tree
music: cinema paradiso soundtracks
sky: the cutains covers my window so that i can't see the sky :( i dont deserve anything good today. i must be punished
Goodnight
10 October, 2005
And...
YASS. i had a perfect busy day today and i'll have a perfect busy day tommorrow.
as tommorrow's assignments we have to design a house named "Paradise house". the name is paradise cause we're free to choose the site. ain't it great? we might even choose the site on Mars. or some star or planet in Andromeda galaxy!
and for the site i thought... maybe i'll choose somewhere on a cold tiny planet which is almost always night and with a tiny layer of ice on the ground and no green tree around but with a wonderfull lovely reflection of moon rays on the everlasting ice rocks!
WOW. ain't it great?
And i must infrom you that i love this lovely bloody hell called univers!
YASS. i had a perfect busy day today and i'll have a perfect busy day tommorrow.
as tommorrow's assignments we have to design a house named "Paradise house". the name is paradise cause we're free to choose the site. ain't it great? we might even choose the site on Mars. or some star or planet in Andromeda galaxy!
and for the site i thought... maybe i'll choose somewhere on a cold tiny planet which is almost always night and with a tiny layer of ice on the ground and no green tree around but with a wonderfull lovely reflection of moon rays on the everlasting ice rocks!
WOW. ain't it great?
And i must infrom you that i love this lovely bloody hell called univers!
i just made me 2 sandwiches and i ate both! now i feel like "shame on you mona, shame on you"
anyway i ate them and i had the right to do so. i was at school all day, really working, really studing, and still too much assighnment for toommorrow. but i'm just about to have fun for the rest of the night, i've had enough for today.
i have a new idea for my blog. to postscript my writing condition in all my writings. you'll see what i mean at the end of this post.
you know? at time i'm a mixture of a agressive, thankfull, tired, dissapointed and at the same time hopfull, stuffed girl. i look also yellow today. with eyes so much tired and hairs clean but messy. oooooh. i liked me till 1 o clock today but not anymore!
i'm listening to deepak chopra to ease my mind, but it aint really helping so i switch to... .ummm. any recomendations? YASS. YASS. Analyse by lady Cranberries, (cranberries ain't her name though!)
heh! i must say this for sure! you know? recently i can't keep myself from laughing or smiling right at the moments that i must look serious! on the way back home, too wicked and worn i got off the taxi and i was facing home that i realized 3 boys at the corner of the street are seriousely claiming: "khanum, khanum, ... in varagh az tu kife shoma oftad" ("miss, this paper fell outta your bag"). and i turned back and looked at them so thankfully and i smiled kindly and steped towards them to take the paper... that, i saw some ridiculous signs on their faces which was telling, they're possibly making fun of me! but ... ha ha ha. they did it really good and serious that i really couldnt keep myself from accompany them in laughing for the mistake i did!!! so while i was trying to keep my face muscles in right place, it was just obviouse how i'm laughing inside. and finally tired of holding the muscles i burst just into a smile. but i think even my smile was ridiculous enough to make them laugh louder!
anyway, thankl God i made 3 bored boys laugh!
now i'm tried of Cranberries too and i switch to Moby---> why does my heart feel so bad?
and now----> be my baby
and it really feels good every time i listen to this...
ohhh. i came to write to feel better but i still feel so damn tired when i think of all the things i should do for tommorrow and tommorrows. :( it's a long time that i havent watched a movie or read a book or ate ice cream or ... .:( . i just donno why i love this lovely bloody earth named hell so much. but it sometimes really puts me down when i think of too many things i wanna have and i dont... . but i want it and i want it so bad that ill have it some day i'm sure.
hey this posting of mine seems too much like diary this time! this weblog wasnt supposed to be for diaries. :(
well at least the good thing with this one is that it's not another romantic article of mine! i just donno why everything i write turn out to be so romantic!!!!!
for tommorrow i must designe a house named paradise house( khaneye behesht). we can choose the site at any bloody place. even in space!!! so i'm really about to try it! hey!! YASS. lemme tell you about it!
i want the house to be in some really cold place! even if it's gonna be in outter space i'll choose the site in some planet that has very long nights so that the house has to be designed for night life. there's always a thin layer of ice on the ground. and there aint a single tree on this planet. just flat flat ground-
"regrets, i've had a few, but then again too few too mention" sings pavarotti
-and you know? in my tiny planet night sky, there always exist a moon too shine on my house romantic habitants.
:( .
maybe i must think of another site for my house!
ok. now my room condition
sky--->dark and a bit cold or i feel cold
music--->pavarotti
room--->there's just one small lovely lamp on. when i wanna look out the window i see mostly myself and a little of my persimon tree who's loosing it's greenleeves very soon:(
time--->8:22pm
time--->to say goodbye
goodbye
anyway i ate them and i had the right to do so. i was at school all day, really working, really studing, and still too much assighnment for toommorrow. but i'm just about to have fun for the rest of the night, i've had enough for today.
i have a new idea for my blog. to postscript my writing condition in all my writings. you'll see what i mean at the end of this post.
you know? at time i'm a mixture of a agressive, thankfull, tired, dissapointed and at the same time hopfull, stuffed girl. i look also yellow today. with eyes so much tired and hairs clean but messy. oooooh. i liked me till 1 o clock today but not anymore!
i'm listening to deepak chopra to ease my mind, but it aint really helping so i switch to... .ummm. any recomendations? YASS. YASS. Analyse by lady Cranberries, (cranberries ain't her name though!)
heh! i must say this for sure! you know? recently i can't keep myself from laughing or smiling right at the moments that i must look serious! on the way back home, too wicked and worn i got off the taxi and i was facing home that i realized 3 boys at the corner of the street are seriousely claiming: "khanum, khanum, ... in varagh az tu kife shoma oftad" ("miss, this paper fell outta your bag"). and i turned back and looked at them so thankfully and i smiled kindly and steped towards them to take the paper... that, i saw some ridiculous signs on their faces which was telling, they're possibly making fun of me! but ... ha ha ha. they did it really good and serious that i really couldnt keep myself from accompany them in laughing for the mistake i did!!! so while i was trying to keep my face muscles in right place, it was just obviouse how i'm laughing inside. and finally tired of holding the muscles i burst just into a smile. but i think even my smile was ridiculous enough to make them laugh louder!
anyway, thankl God i made 3 bored boys laugh!
now i'm tried of Cranberries too and i switch to Moby---> why does my heart feel so bad?
and now----> be my baby
and it really feels good every time i listen to this...
ohhh. i came to write to feel better but i still feel so damn tired when i think of all the things i should do for tommorrow and tommorrows. :( it's a long time that i havent watched a movie or read a book or ate ice cream or ... .:( . i just donno why i love this lovely bloody earth named hell so much. but it sometimes really puts me down when i think of too many things i wanna have and i dont... . but i want it and i want it so bad that ill have it some day i'm sure.
hey this posting of mine seems too much like diary this time! this weblog wasnt supposed to be for diaries. :(
well at least the good thing with this one is that it's not another romantic article of mine! i just donno why everything i write turn out to be so romantic!!!!!
for tommorrow i must designe a house named paradise house( khaneye behesht). we can choose the site at any bloody place. even in space!!! so i'm really about to try it! hey!! YASS. lemme tell you about it!
i want the house to be in some really cold place! even if it's gonna be in outter space i'll choose the site in some planet that has very long nights so that the house has to be designed for night life. there's always a thin layer of ice on the ground. and there aint a single tree on this planet. just flat flat ground-
"regrets, i've had a few, but then again too few too mention" sings pavarotti
-and you know? in my tiny planet night sky, there always exist a moon too shine on my house romantic habitants.
:( .
maybe i must think of another site for my house!
ok. now my room condition
sky--->dark and a bit cold or i feel cold
music--->pavarotti
room--->there's just one small lovely lamp on. when i wanna look out the window i see mostly myself and a little of my persimon tree who's loosing it's greenleeves very soon:(
time--->8:22pm
time--->to say goodbye
goodbye
09 October, 2005
you know? i just thought me? i'm as big as...
on no, let's start like this. me?
ummmm.
OH
one in miliard miliards?
idiot! there exist no miliard miliards.
well. a spot in the world?
uuuuh. NO!
one more consumer?
Dirty!
one more body?
Dirtier!
one more soul?
TOO romantic
reincarnation?
"don't think too much about the things that doesnt change the path of your life", says Penny
akhhhhh
what is it with me?
today in the car i was listening to some music from i donno moeen or whome! just it was playing and i didnt mind. actually...
well some times! no! most of the times, music takes you to old places. it's not fair. the music took me to RAHST. on the roads around! and ...
so what?
here i sit all alone dreaming about...
so what?
i'm a studious book worm recently!
how cliche!
i wanna just turn around!!!!
you know? turn around!
i dont wanna care about anything that professors say!
maybe...
ummmm. maybe i wanna dance in a club.
maybe i wanna ride on a motor cycle.
maybe i wanna drink and shout WOoooooooo
maybe i wanna be outta my damn mind
or maybe i wanna float in the sky
or the sea
gazing at the dazle of the moon
or let the sun beams sting my eyes
or...
maybe i wanna talk dirty
or maybe i wanna run all the world
or maybe i wanna cry till it aches
or maybe i wanna swim in pple blood
or their tears
and i become tears
like Niobe All Tears
or maybe i wanna be bald
or...
let me be
just let me be...
and maybe
maybe
then i find out what i must be,
and meybe
only maybe
it's with you that i wanna be
never in the sea
never in the air
just to breath you air
but you never let me
let me be
or let me find out if i wanna be
you want me around and you choose the worst way to keep me
and maybe
all maybe
i'm that fish slipping away
or that bird flying away
or maybe
probably
that butterfly
fading away in your
in your sweated hands
and you'll cry
and i'll fly
no wings though
but i fly
no wings?
and i fly?
don't worry ever never baby
you're hands have sweated
and me?
no i'm not
not even maybe
and i'll die
not even lady
and why?
don't you care baby
on no, let's start like this. me?
ummmm.
OH
one in miliard miliards?
idiot! there exist no miliard miliards.
well. a spot in the world?
uuuuh. NO!
one more consumer?
Dirty!
one more body?
Dirtier!
one more soul?
TOO romantic
reincarnation?
"don't think too much about the things that doesnt change the path of your life", says Penny
akhhhhh
what is it with me?
today in the car i was listening to some music from i donno moeen or whome! just it was playing and i didnt mind. actually...
well some times! no! most of the times, music takes you to old places. it's not fair. the music took me to RAHST. on the roads around! and ...
so what?
here i sit all alone dreaming about...
so what?
i'm a studious book worm recently!
how cliche!
i wanna just turn around!!!!
you know? turn around!
i dont wanna care about anything that professors say!
maybe...
ummmm. maybe i wanna dance in a club.
maybe i wanna ride on a motor cycle.
maybe i wanna drink and shout WOoooooooo
maybe i wanna be outta my damn mind
or maybe i wanna float in the sky
or the sea
gazing at the dazle of the moon
or let the sun beams sting my eyes
or...
maybe i wanna talk dirty
or maybe i wanna run all the world
or maybe i wanna cry till it aches
or maybe i wanna swim in pple blood
or their tears
and i become tears
like Niobe All Tears
or maybe i wanna be bald
or...
let me be
just let me be...
and maybe
maybe
then i find out what i must be,
and meybe
only maybe
it's with you that i wanna be
never in the sea
never in the air
just to breath you air
but you never let me
let me be
or let me find out if i wanna be
you want me around and you choose the worst way to keep me
and maybe
all maybe
i'm that fish slipping away
or that bird flying away
or maybe
probably
that butterfly
fading away in your
in your sweated hands
and you'll cry
and i'll fly
no wings though
but i fly
no wings?
and i fly?
don't worry ever never baby
you're hands have sweated
and me?
no i'm not
not even maybe
and i'll die
not even lady
and why?
don't you care baby
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