today was a bit strange. something v.s yesterday. i didnt eat at all today .and not any more i was realy so much in love with this lovely bloddy hell named universe. and .................
well, i woke up happily and lively, desgning that paradise house accopanied with vangeliz music.( it could give me the right feeling to design my aquarium house in that cold area!!!(of course aquarium doesnt mean my house is a glassy one, the house was designed mainly inside a hill, but becoz of some factors i decided to name it aquarium house). then i went to university, back home and....
well... when i was back home at noon i was a kindda... i donno. but i'm ready to go to hell for what i was today. i don't think i can ever forgive myself for the devil i was. and... huh. i was an electrical Devil. you know? my hand was making spike of electriciy with everything i was touching. shaking hands, opening doors, .... . and i thought it must be a sign to show pple whith what a devil they're shaking hands! and i remembered of this song that i used to listen around 9 years ago!
"dont shake hands,
oh baby don't shake hands with lucifer,
take your chance,
cause baby all dreams will be crucified"
back when i was eleven i was the baby one. now after 9 years i feel like that i'm the devil who ....
:( . why was i like this today?!?!?! why?!!! i'm ready to give away a year of my life just to ommit my today from my history :(
well. in the afternoon i had to go to the university again and i went there with an extremely depressed face. all the time i was thinking, even if i pass a life time being a mobe, God wont apologize me for my today! and so ODD, there were still spikes of electricity when ever i was touching something!
but well, university was a big fun today. after 7 hours in university i have almost forgtten about my sins and i could laugh, not really from the bottom of my heart, but i could laugh...
now i'm home again, and again i feel depressed.
there are 3 books i wanna buy to read. but 1st: i barely find the time
2nd: i'm not sure if i can find the books
3rd: i must save my money to buy a very dear freind a very dear gift. her name is Mona just like me. we've been freind since we were 8 and we are too much alike. we've been in tiff since janury and i waited so long for her birthday. i couldnt find any better excuse to go to her, make her happy and surprised. i really waited!!!! and i have no idea how i could be so patient!
goddammit. i'm listening to this cinema paradiso soundtrack and everytime it feels awfully ---- i donno.
it's really aches to write today. everything reminds me of my devilish aspect of personality. :(((((((((((((((((((((
today one of the professors said: "in bachehan ke ashegh mishan" "it's the children who fall in love". maybe he meant how purified and rarified their souls are.
another professor talked about how love could affect our designings. how our designs are the indicators of our inner feelings. and how we could find the architecture in everything around or some architectural melodis, and he played one of yanni symphonies with his mouth mainly reapting "did did did dir id................................."
well...
i must really leave. i need some prayers to feel better. but i'm sure God is in tiff with me. i'm sure he'll accept no excuses. maybe i should wait untill his birthday either!!! but does any one know when his birthday is?!?!?!?! well... .Budha says we must find him in us. maybe his birthday is right when i was born!! but it's a long long way to MY birthday. i'll die till then! i must find a way to apologize him! but what? what kindda big good things i could do to make him forget???? to make ME forget????

room condition: messy, one lamp on, no view to my persimon tree
music: cinema paradiso soundtracks
sky: the cutains covers my window so that i can't see the sky :( i dont deserve anything good today. i must be punished

Goodnight